T-1 and a bit days

I almost managed to forget the single piece of advice that was the glue that enabled me to hold it all together in the last round. The advice that one could identify as "whatever I was smoking that morning" or "the crack-packed Wheaties" I've been describing as the magic ingredient that made it all work just 4 eternally long weeks ago. Advice associated with an ex-lover proclaiming the words as her new motto, with a desert friend who knew that the smoking wasn't quite enough for me to pull it all together. (Speaking of which, daaaamn I miss cigarettes. But it's a good thing I'm addicted to the patch at the moment, rather than the somewhat less savory, and less publicly acceptable incarnation of the habit. Left coast, and all...) So, to bed, to face a day of teaching followed by some travel. The advice? Just chill the fuck out...

T Minus 4 Days

I thought the "job talk" was close to done. I read an almost complete draft to someone in my field last night, who had good suggestions for changes, but also thought it was "brilliant." As opposed to an audience of three, today, none in my field, and only one academic in the lot. And the commong criticism in the English vs. American wars - "more signposting! Tell us what your argument is! It's too subtle! It's not always clear what's going on!" Of course, the person who thought it was brilliant is, on the one hand, one of the smartest people I know, but on the other hand, an ex-lover. I haven't slept with any of the other audience. Departure for destination sooner than I'd like, and large stacks of marking to do before then. Ain't it great, this perfect division of attention between classes to teach this week, work to get back, and oh, by the way, don't forget to finish up a talk that has profound and fundamental consequences for your future. Not to mention the realization that the talk only accounts for one hour out of, say, 18. Trying to prepare for the other 17 hours, the chit chat, the institutional insight, the "tell me about what you're working on now," the avoidance of gossip, the seemingly endless series of ideas for the department and the university and larger ideas of community - when the fuck am I supposed to think about those? After it's all over?

OK, just whingeing. It'll all get done because it has to. And whatever happens happens. Which kinda sucks, but at least I'll have a few weeks of finger-biting waiting where I can excoriate myself for every word said, every opportunity missed, every question fumbled. Or not.

wait over

Well, that worked better than I ever could have imagined. Remind me to whinge impatiently more often...(just kidding). Regardless, I've got a job-talk to write, now. Yay me.

the wait

There is something fundamentally inhuman about this process. I was speaking with a friend of mine yesterday, tenured at a big research university here on the east coast. She changed jobs a handful of years ago, from a similar institution on the west coast. We were speaking of the silence, the wait, the responses and replies and timetables of all that comes next, after the interview. She had interviewed for 2 tenured positions, and one was strongly courting her; at the other there were two candidates. Time drifted by, and she contacted the chair of one of the two via email: days pass. Another email, this time to more people in the department, and again silence. 4 days later, a brief, perfunctory email from a dean/administrator, thanking her for applying, and saying the position had been filled. If this is the casual, cruel, brusque treatment at the senior level, what hope for the bottom of ladder?

That said, there were some flybacks announced before MLA was over. Smaller, more efficient departments? I'm waiting to hear from institutions on the much much larger side, so who knows what spectacular depths of Byzantine bureaucracy are waiting in the woodworks to slow down the decision process. So instead I'm analyzing, obsessively, the rumor and hearsay, the one email exchange after the fact with a committee member on a wholly different topic. What does the use of the word "thang" indicate, or the collegial and mildly critical observations about a panelist? Sigh. Hurry up and wait.