T Minus 4 Days

I thought the "job talk" was close to done. I read an almost complete draft to someone in my field last night, who had good suggestions for changes, but also thought it was "brilliant." As opposed to an audience of three, today, none in my field, and only one academic in the lot. And the commong criticism in the English vs. American wars - "more signposting! Tell us what your argument is! It's too subtle! It's not always clear what's going on!" Of course, the person who thought it was brilliant is, on the one hand, one of the smartest people I know, but on the other hand, an ex-lover. I haven't slept with any of the other audience. Departure for destination sooner than I'd like, and large stacks of marking to do before then. Ain't it great, this perfect division of attention between classes to teach this week, work to get back, and oh, by the way, don't forget to finish up a talk that has profound and fundamental consequences for your future. Not to mention the realization that the talk only accounts for one hour out of, say, 18. Trying to prepare for the other 17 hours, the chit chat, the institutional insight, the "tell me about what you're working on now," the avoidance of gossip, the seemingly endless series of ideas for the department and the university and larger ideas of community - when the fuck am I supposed to think about those? After it's all over?

OK, just whingeing. It'll all get done because it has to. And whatever happens happens. Which kinda sucks, but at least I'll have a few weeks of finger-biting waiting where I can excoriate myself for every word said, every opportunity missed, every question fumbled. Or not.